What's In A Name?

"What's in a name?"

It was around seven years ago that I learnt that Juliet said these words to Romeo. Incredibly romantic, and movingly wise, I was thirteen years old and mesmerized. 

What is in a name, indeed? 

It's simply a convention, a label, not to mention its failure to draw attention to what really matters - the person itself - the essence, the effervescence, the lack thereof, the warmth and love. It fails miserably. 

It makes me feel confined to think I am defined by 5 letters, of which 2 are the same. Can all of me be summed up by my birth-given name? That would be a shame. 

My name isn't me, but I become my name, and through places and time, it's never been the same. 

As a child, my parents lovingly changed the last of the five letters. In college, my friend eliminated it, for worse or for better. And I let her. 

These little changes in my name made me feel closer to people, as though every modification was simply an indication of love and affection. But upon introspection, I see that my name is also a reflection of their perception of me. 

When my name is five letters long, I know I've done something wrong - unless the last letter is lovingly changed, and sometimes even that feels strange because I've changed. I've grown. And I should hope that it's shown. But I'm still called what I was when I was all of five and barely alive, and it's strange because I feel like the people who call me that don't see the change. 

And when my name is four letters long, I like it a lot, but is it someone I'm not? It sounds like someone I'd want to be, but currently, is that really me? I don't know. And it's amusing that I find it confusing but if it's something that people stop using, I know I'll get upset. Because as I said, I like it. A lot.

I'm still figuring out who I am and what I want to be, and until then these five letters aren't sufficient for me. Even if every letter stood for a word in an acrostic poem, it wouldn't be enough. And that's why I find it tough. To believe Juliet's claim.

Because there has to be everything in a name.

xoxo

aish(a/u)

14-06-2025