He's Just Not That Into You, Or Is He?

When I was thirteen-years-old, I watched He's Just Not That Into You for the very first time and I vaguely remember feeling quite unsettled during the course of the movie. I think it was to do with the fact that every character didn't have a happy ending (that I was SO accustomed to by the Disney movies that I otherwise exposed myself to). Not all loose ends were tied and not everything made sense at the end - just like real life. 

I just finished rewatching the movie for the first time since I was thirteen, and it has left me more perplexed than ever before. Let's go over the rules and characters and lessons to try and break this down analytically. 

The Main Message: If a man is into you, he will make the effort to see you and date you. 

Does that make sense theoretically? 100%. Sure. Yeah. 

I would expect a man who likes a girl to make the effort to make something happen with her. I would expect him to stretch a mile, actually, to make it happen. Then again, that could be my movie/book-conditioned brain telling me that a man will always make some great big romantic gesture to declare his love for a woman he wants. This is what sucks. My distinction between real and reel is fading away into a blur. 

As much as this rule makes sense in isolation, in practice, in real life, with emotions, people, pasts, circumstances, and more coming into play, this rule is....rubbish.

Trust me - it breaks my heart to say this, but it is ludicrous. Most of the relationships I'm privy to, have begun as a result of spontaneous hook-ups, undeniable mutual chemistry, close friendships, or sliding into DMs. This doesn't sound so bad, right? Wait for it. These 'meet-cutes' usually include drunken texts, missed calls, regretful meetings, hours of overthinking, waiting for the other person to make the first move, outside consultation, therapy (lol), and more mistakes in the process of getting together. Don't get me wrong - this is a two-way street. The men don't make their feelings explicit, and neither do the women. Both of the parties involved are merely playing a game of chess - unsolicited attacks, unnecessary defense, and time wasted on moves that could have been used to spend together instead. 

Both of the parties involved are confused. 

Feelings are not black-and-white and movies and books wrongfully paint them to be so. 

I've known several boys who are into girls but do nothing about their feelings because 

1. they're shy 

2. they don't believe they have a shot in hell with her

3. they know someone else who likes her 

4. they're not in a place to get into a relationship

Let's talk about 4. 

I know - it sounds like a lame excuse. But after years of dating (unsuccessful/successfully), it does hold true. It is fully possible for a boy to like a girl but not be in the headspace to get into a relationship. As awfully heart-wrenching as that sounds, it's true. It sucks. But it's true. Right person, wrong time is a thing, and I fervently believe so. It goes both ways.

Real life truly obliterates the pictures that romance movies and books conjure in our minds. And it's terrible. What will make it less terrible though, is accepting that life isn't a movie or book written in first person with five main characters, one general plotline, and a couple of perfect dialogues that are spoken at the right time. 

In reality, we are all supporting characters in someone else's movie. Our plotlines are intertwined and there are thousands of them displacing each other, running parallel to each other, intersecting with each other, confusing each other. A scene is more than a couple minutes long and may entail more empty anxiety-inducing silences than dialogue. And dialogues may involve more meaningless words that lead to nothing than anything fruitful. 

My best friend's ex is now dating my ex's best friend. It's true. It's weird. It's life. 

Moving on from the main message to the storylines and characters themselves - 

1. Gigi and Alex

Alex gave Gigi all of that advice only to ignore it himself. He claimed to like her but initially humiliated her and left her feeling ashamed, thus disproving the main message of the movie, whilst serving to be the greatest situational irony of all time, and accentuating the contradictions and chaos that life is indeed encompassing of. 

2. Ben and Anna and Janine 

Ben continually swore his loyalty and commitment to Janine, and cheated on her time and time again with Anna. He did this whilst proclaiming his inexorable, unpalpable attraction towards Anna herself. It is unclear who he liked more - or rather, didn't care for. He treated both of them terribly and faced the consequences later. It makes one question the main message all over again - and more importantly reiterates that confusion is second-nature to humans. There is no love without confusion. 

3. Beth and Neil

If there was one couple that made me feel good, it was them. It is weird that it took Neil 7 years and a break-up to ask her to marry him, but hey, he did what he had to, to make his girl feel loved. He kept it real and was one of the more tolerable characters in the plot. 

The main message of the movie is ridiculous. And the movie now has started globally trending as girls worldwide are watching it to extract themselves from their tiresome states of delusion when they like a guy to ground them back to reality. But most people are missing some real valuable elements of real-life that weave their way into the movie:

- Everyone is interconnected. Everyone's climax is someone else's introduction, and another person's conclusion. 

- Life is full of confusion, contradiction, and chaos. 

- 'Signs' mean nothing. Words mean nothing, too. Actions can be questionable as well. Gut-feelings are everything. Trust your instincts.

- No one has it all figured out.

- No one is in a better place than you are. 

We're all struggling. Life sucks equally for everyone. All we can do is hope to be blessed with love in abundance and purity to alleviate the struggle a little bit. And we mustn't stop trying to get closer to that. Ever. 

xoxo

aishu

22-06-2025